Things I have learnt about the 40K universe from observing the games

- By Geoff Cooper (credit for the original idea and some of the content goes to Richard Dagger)

Space Marines

• Space Marines are 2/3rds of the human population of the Imperium.

• Standard space marine chapters are rare. The combined totals of Blood Angels and Space Wolves out number all other kinds of Marines (almost half of those remaining are Black Templars).

• Despite their experimental nature Land Raider Crusaders are twice as common as the standard Land Raider.

•  If a Land Raider is present in a Space Marine army it may only be present if a Crusader was present already.

•  100% Strength Marine Squads = 5. Any squads larger then these are statistical aberrations and may be ignored.

Blood Angels

• It is morally wrong to equip Vet Sgts with Wargear.

• Something bad seems to have happened to the Blood Angels as all of their squads are at half strength (although the special weapon and heavy weapon guys always seem to survive).

• The only command ranks in the Blood Angels are Chaplains and Sanguinary High priests. We presume that all other officer ranks have gone off to be Champions of Khorne or some such thing.

Space Wolves

• The army is lead by its Wolf Scouts. They’re always there.

•  It is impossible to buy a SW leader without Chaos Armour (oops the Belt of Russ) Mark of Khorne (oops sorry frost weapon), Mark of Slannesh (opps sorry Wolf Pelt) and WS10 (opps sorry Wolf Tooth necklace).

Eldar

• Eldar are lead by their Wraithlords (they are the only thing you always see in their army) and in some extreme cases they would appear to be led by a Wraith Lord Council.

• A Swooping Hawks’s sole purpose is as ablative armour for their Exarch. How any Swooping Hawk lives long enough to become an Exarch is a complete mystery.

• The maximum size for a ranger squad is 3.

• Dire Avengers are a myth, a legend, a complete lie if you will. Eldar will field the Loch Ness monster before they field Dire Avengers.

•  Star Cannons out number all other support weapons by 2:1. 75% of those remaining are bright lances.

• The Eldar pantheon is a source of fun and amusement for all the family. An Avatar of their God of War regularly gets bolter stocked to death by marines of on a bad day by Imperial Guard. Who else would name one of their gods the laughing god:-).

Chaos

• There are only two types of Greater Demon (instead of the four more commonly thought to exist). Blood Thirsters are sighted often, Keepers of Secrets less so.  The Lord of change is a rumour only and the Great Unclean one is merely a fart joke gone bad (and with T5 is it any wonder).

• Chaos aspiring champions cost 5 points more than a loyalist equivalent and are covered in spikes.

• Chaos aspiring champions aspire to own a pair of lighting claws.

• Worshipping the Dark Gods of chaos isn't worth a bean, the loyalists get a cool 4+ invulnerable save but the Dark Gods couldn't protect lollies from a 5 year old child.

• Greater Daemons of chaos will almost always possess the worst possible model, either they will possess the commander (who costs nearly as much as the Daemon) or they will possess the aspiring champion who is out of assault range.

• A well balanced chaos army is one that contains units from all of the chaos powers after all they all have their good points.

Orks

• The only Orks allowed Rokkit Launchas are Tankbusta boyz. Any boyz squad sighted with RLs are in fact over sized busta squads.

• There is no such thing as Uge Choppas. Orks with use Rubber Chickens as Close combat weapons before they resort to Uge choppas (and have).

• 50% of looted vehicles are basilisks with the balance being Leman Russ tanks. Never do Orks manage to loot a Griffon (maybe because the imperial guard can't get any either).

•  Deathskull lootas kill themselves before getting to the battlefield and have failed to reproduce and so have become extinct.

• Blood Axe commandos are so sneaky they are never seen on the battlefield.

Dark Eldar

• Dark Eldar are expert cross-country runners. They have to be because win or lose they will be walking home. Their transports seem to be jet engines encased in a superstructure of tin foil and brightly painted cardboard.

• Dark Eldar Archons are expressly forbidden from showing up to a battle without a shadow field.

Tau

• Despite information to the contrary Tau DO use Kroot as an expendable shield (for the Greater Good my warty posterior).

Imperial Guard

• Infantry Platoons consist of 2 squads and an HQ rather then 2-5 squads.

• Every Guard army is amply supplied with Basilisks but cannot obtain Griffins for Love nor money (although this could be GWs fault) :).

• Imperial guard regiments suffer 80% casualties every engagement anything less and they just were not trying hard enough.

• Most imperial guard regiments have a attached Assassin which will either be an Eversor or a Callidus. The imperial guardsmen will not at all be concerned about having a psychotic killing machine standing in their midst (nor the Eversor assassin either) Other assassin temples are too sneaky to be seen on the battlefield or are anti-Imperial propaganda and don't really exist.

Tyranids

• There MUST be two Hive Tyrants in every force (they just do OK?).

• One or both of the Tyrants must have wings.

• Biovores are a compulsory choice. No Tyranid army has been seen without them.

• The Red Terror may be a special character but I have never seen a Nid force without one (even if it is a Blue Terror, a Brown Terror, a Pink Terror, and a black and white checks Terror).

• Ditto for old one eye. In Nids versus Nids games I have seen them charge each other (no doubt yelling the Nid equivalent of ‘Imposter!’.

Chaos and Imperial

• While power swords are stylish and look cool a pair of lightning claws is so much more effective. Lightning claws are also the most common weapon and are almost a badge of rank for senior officers.

General

• The arrival of a new race into the 40k universe is always greeted with gasps of shock and horror. Not because the new army is an ancient an implacable alien menace but because no one understand their new an unique special rules.